Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
