Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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