We won't sleep together?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
