the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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