I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
