Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
