In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
