I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize