nut hugger
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
