i just google imaged poop.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Houston, we have a squirter
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
