I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
