did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
