this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
