the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
