After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
