He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
