don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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