opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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