1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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