there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize