I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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