Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
