i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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