She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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