he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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