Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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