So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
