sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
