"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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