Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
