I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my mouth tastes like poor choices
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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