I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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