even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
