i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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