he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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