I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
