The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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