I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Rumble strips road head = magical
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
