Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize