I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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