I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
