i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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