nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
