I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
