I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
