I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
