WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
