i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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