based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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