OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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