why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
