i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
