Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
