exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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