evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
