Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
