I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
