Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
