is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
There are leaves in my underwear?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
