Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
