My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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