You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
