if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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