Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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