he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
