can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
