After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
