we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my shit smells like andre
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
