Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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