I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
