The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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