I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
