He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize