I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The power of my boobs compel you
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
