At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
