Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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