Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
