Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
