i don't like sucking hair
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
