My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
