She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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