you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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