Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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