I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
