I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize