don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
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