Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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