I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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