You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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