I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
