I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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