Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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