plz talk dirty to me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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