the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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