The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize