why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize