She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
