i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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