Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize