I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize