Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
