She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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