is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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