I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
