I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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