O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize