Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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