sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
