he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
